Love is a deep longing most of us seek after all of our lives. Some of us search for it in the materials of this world and others in the people of this world. Some try to find love by becoming great at something and some pretend that they just don’t need love at all. I am no different. God was the rock I ran to and clung to as early as three years of age. As a young girl, I trusted in a God and His Son that I have no memory of not knowing. This relationship protected me from so many things that surrounded me and guarded my mind greatly, yet somehow the message of love was not complete inside me. I longed for love and acceptance from my parents and peers, later from my husband as well. I am passionate in my love, putting my whole heart in it, but still struggled in the feeling of love. It is not that I did not see God as a God of love; I deeply knew Him as a God that loves every single, solitary person, yet I was not fully convinced that He could love ME! I know that seems like a contradiction. One of the verses God spoke to me years ago was Zephaniah 3:16-17, which instantly became one of my favorites. On that day they will say to Jerusalem, “Do not fear, O Zion; do not let your hands hang limp. The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing.” I held on closely to this scripture.

A few years before we went to Uganda, I spent much time with a counselor at Exchanged Life Ministries (Bible based counseling grounding believers to live out of the fullness of the Spirit of God that indwells them). Karla, my counselor, took me deep into the message of God’s love and character and how I perceive my heavenly Father. I truly learned that God desires to meet all my needs and that I can only receive true joy in life from Him. So much of this I had heard in brevity before, but this time I was anchoring on these lessons through prayer, scripture, meditation, and GRACIOUS counsel. When I first met David, I remember believing that Jesus was the only true source of joy, yet it was not reaching the place in my soul to make a difference in the way I lived moment by moment, or maybe I should say the things I longed for. From Exchanged Life on, I began to fervently pray that I would be so satisfied with God that nothing or no one around me would steal my joy. In spite of all my prayers and yearnings, I still knew that I was falling short of my heart’s desire.

Talitha’s death shook the very foundation I was standing on. Every characteristic of my Triune God was challenged. Some characteristics for a moment, until He convinced me of that truth, while others were much more weakened by the strain and trauma. Love was that characteristic that was the hardest to be reestablished in my soul. I struggled for a long time on this subject with many forthright questions to my Sovereign, Holy, faithful God. I longed for Him to speak the truth into my heart that the struggle might end, but our faithful Almighty God knows the perfect timing and the best way. He is the author and the perfecter of my faith and somewhere along the way God has shown my heart in quiet, subtle messages that He indeed is the God of love, unconceivable love, and that He is trustworthy of my love. The truth in Zephaniah and the rest of the scripture have shaped my view and beliefs of God. His love has set me free to follow Him in obedience, out of love, not to win His approval. I have always had a burden to share of His great love, but the more He reveals this love to me the more I long to make it understandable to people and the more grace I have to share.

Yesterday, David and I celebrated our 20th anniversary. Yea God!!! We spent a leisurely day at the Denver Zoo and a peaceful early dinner at a little Jewish restaurant down by the university. This gave us much time to talk and think. (Quiet thinking is a rarity in my life presently.) As I was thinking, I was pondering this issue of love. Through considering several resent situations, I realized that God is starting to answer that long sought after desire in me to be so satisfied with Him that nothing or no one around me could rob me of my joy that comes from being His. It was a slow realization that is a delightful surprise. He put this desire in me and He is the faithful one to carry it out to completion. Let Him alone receive His glory due Him.

“And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge-that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.” Ephesians 3:17b-19